No One Ever Says...

"I want my home to feel stale, cold and impersonal."

"I want people to feel unwelcome and like they can't sit down anywhere."

I think about ridiculous statements like these all of the time to make myself laugh, especially when I'm sharing a "Before & After" on my blog and I'm describing what my clients wanted for their homes or when I'm reading a magazine article that describes what the people wanted out of their home.  Of course, what people are attempting to create in a home is always thought of positive and they carefully analyze and describe how they want a home to feel.  Each adjective has real meaning and a connotation.  But a fun game I play in my head is to :

1) Say the opposite of what people want.
2) Say a less positive way or more direct way of what someone actually wants.
3)Reverse husband-wife statements

So, since it's Friday, I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you.  So, whichever way you think of these statements (opposite statements or direct versions or husband-wife reversals) I hope you enjoy!!
Here goes:

No one ever says......

"I want my home to feel outdated and contrived."

{"I know the TV is too large for the room and my husband begged me to get a smaller one but I refused because the TV is the most important thing to me."}  image here

"Oh please!  Make my house feel like a brand new house in America that's trying to look like it's a house in Tuscany by putting pictures of Tuscany and rolling Italian fields all over it!!  Don't forget the Tuscan dish cloths and the dusty olive oil jars in the kitchen!!  Perhaps a large Tuscan scene in my kitchen backsplash above the range??"  (And I know this one so well because I once wanted this for myself.  hee hee)

"I want it to feel cheap and hodgepodged.  Like I got everything from a thrift store."  image here  (This is definitely one of my "direct" or nonpositive descriptions for sure!! haha)

"I want a gaudy and overstated home."   image here

"I've got it!  Let's add some completely inappropriate Corinthian columns to the inside of our house!!"

"I want to break the bank."

"I'd love my house to look like it was decorated in a day!"

"I want it to be matchy-matchy."

"Oh I know... even though that brick fireplace is hideous and is ruining my living room, it's just wrong to paint brick so we won't be doing anything about the elephant in the room.  But please, make the room beautiful. Thanks."

"I want to feel depressed when I come home.  I like things disorganized and I don't want a place for everything."

"Hello!! Can't you see I just I want what everybody else has??"  image here

"I'd like my living room to look just like a page from a catalog, or a decorator show house."

"I want it to look like we have money."

{"IT'S KILLING ME.  I'd love to paint the paneling white, but my wife simply won't allow it!"}image here

"I want my home to feel unnatural with no absolutely connection to the outdoors."

"I care more about the wood and floors and the moldings being shown off than how the room feels as a whole, so I'm willing to have you decorate the house improperly so I can just stare at those awesome elements all the time." Image literally from

"I don't need my home to be practical or functional, as long as it's beautiful."

"I dislike natural wood.  Please paint it all."

"My husband thinks a chandelier in the dining room would be beautiful, but I can't bear to be without the ceiling fan in there." image here

"I despise extra storage."

"I want my home to feel really jarring and I don't want anything to flow."

"I have things in here that I absolutely hate but I'm going to build an entire home around these items."

"I want it to look like a museum and I want my friends and family to be afraid to touch anything." Image here

"I want my house to look like a college apartment." Image here

"I want the study to feel claustrophobic, cluttered and a bit manic." OR "I plan on redecorating the office and then continuing my hoarding behaviors from a clean slate." image here

"I want it to look like my Grandma decorated my house."{Image here}

"Please, make my home feel sterile and cold."

"I was going for 'formal' 'uptight' and 'bland' when I decorated my home."

"I love builder grade fixtures, especially anything with shiny builder brass."

"Accents walls are so chic."

"I hate color, and I want my home to reflect that."

"I'd rather not use an interesting mix of periods and styles.  I prefer it to look as if I simply bought everything at one time."

"I don't care if the sofa is comfortable, as long as it looks good."

"I really want new curtains but my wife is insisting we build a new deck instead." Image here

I could probably go on for hours...  this might be my new game to play on road trips.

How do you want your home to feel and how do you "say it?"  Does saying the negative version of that sentence make you laugh?? Or the direct version?   Can you reverse the things you & your partner say?  I'd love to hear some of yours!! Leave a comment if you've got a good one!!

Have a great weekend & I'll be busy "shopping for ridiculously quirky objects so that my home is sure to look meaningful and personal.  The things I find will really show the world that I love the earth and who I am deep down." ;) ;)

If you'd like help creating a home you absolutely love, contact me about our design services.


yuko said...

Great point Lauren! I think lots of people decorate their home (including myself) out of fear, instead of out of love. "I'm afraid to use colors." "I'm afraid to mix things up because it may not look right." "I'm afraid to express my personal style - what if someone thinks it's weird!" Great designers out there are amazing because they're fearless. They are confident and playful, and they can pull that out of their client as well (like you do!). playing that game in my head might help me discover my personal style and what makes me truly happy - i have to give it a try ;)

Kerry Steele- Design du Monde said...

This made me laugh out loud! My 16 year old daughter does not get design and she does want everything to match. She says my family room, that has an eclectic mix, looks like a bachelor pad,LOL.
I am so thankful that my does not freak out over painting wood.
The images you chose are hilarious.

Loretta Fontaine (APPLESandRUBIES) said...

Lauren- This is so funny! I have to think a bit before I come up with a good one, myself!


AntiqueChase said...

this is so clever and true. great great post!

Laura@Elegant Nest said...

HA! Love this post...thanks for the morning laugh! Everyone wants a beautiful room...but nobody should have "Pottery Barn page 17"!

Katja @ Shift Ctrl ART said...

That was so funny. I *love* all those canned type of comments and to say the opposites as well. Just too funny how limited and alike people are when they want a design. Working with web design myself, I can tell you it is the exact same thing: I want my website to look clean and modern, but please put ALL this text on it. And here is some more text, I am sure you can fit it in somehow. Oh and by the way... I just wrote another article. It HAS to go on the front page as well. Can you make it look good please. LOL.


haha love this!!
Happy Weekend Lauren


A Perfect Gray said...

that was great.

hockfrockandlily said...

Hahaha!! I work at a furniture store, and we crack up over things that customers say/ ask all the time. You would not believe how many times people call and ask " how much is a gray sofa going to cost?" (We carry TONS of vendors with TONS of fabric options and grades). Also, " I have this room that has white walls, a window, and a fireplace.... what sofa should I buy?", or "what color should I paint my walls if I have a cream sofa and brown leather chairs?" (Reading this back, I realize I sound a bit stuck up joking about this.... I don't mean to be, it just entertains me a bit ;)

Love your work and can't wait for you to share pics of your new casa one of these days!!

ShellHawk said...

I can't even begin to imagine the hideousness out there! You probably still have to convince people to replace their orange deep-shag carpet! Lol

Vel Criste said...

Hahahaha!!!! Yes, directly or indirectly, these were funny. The goudy one was the best! Enjoy shopping!

Mrs. Chic said...

lol - my peeve the whole Tuscan theme! I simply don't get it! If i'm in the need for Tuscany, I'll save my pennies for a trip or watch the movie under the Tuscan Sun! :) lol

Chez Laurel said...

My husband and I play our own version of this when we watch a house-hunting show on TV:

"We would like a home with knob and tube wiring, popcorn ceilings, builder grade cabinets, ugly ceiling fans, etc...."

Of course we think we're so witty but the truth is, no one asks for these things but lots of us get them! Then we call in the professionals like YOU!!!

Carey said...

I always find it funny when you ask people what they like they can only tell you what they don't like. Maybe if I asked people what they don't like they would tell me what they do like. Gonna try the opposite game next time! Thanks for a Friday afternoon laugh.

Windlost said...

Hilarious Lauren!!

Happy birthday cousin!!!!

Love ya xo Terri.

Windlost said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathysue said...

Omgosh, I LOVE this post, in fact I love it so much I am sharing it on my FB page. Hysterical, but there is some truth to the off the wall statements. I have had clients say, I just want it to look like a model home! WHAAAAT!! Not in a million years. I am with you a home has to have a feeling and if it does not, we have missed the mark!! Fun post, great insight,
Have a wonderful weekend,

Julie said...

This is one of the best blog posts ever, ever!

toocolorcrazy said...

So true and soooo funny.
I literally was just discussing the tuscany thing with my sister! Ha...the funny thing is in tuscany it wouldn't look anything like the american version!

I find that a lot of women use their husbands as scapegoats...."my husband said..."...and then there are those that just "want it done" - no thought just Done!

Yikes I sound frustrated!

Sabrina said...

"I know I'm a large man, but I really wish my wife would decorate with vintage\breakable\antique\ impractical chairs & ottomans."

-Said my husband NEVER!

And yet, I keep bringing them home. Ah ha ha!

Pat said...

I believe that's my husband's quote "It's just WRONG to paint brick" I'm waiting till he goes on a golf weekend!

Cyndia said...

Dying with laughter here.
What I really wanted to say to my last client was, "OH! You want your home to look like Tula's parent's house in My Big Fat Greek Wedding!"

BaileyWife said...

"I want my home to have a country feel, so lots of roosters....on everything". Haha, that WAS actually me....change is good!

Muhammad Khalid said...
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Carla Aston said...

very funny! Thanks for the laugh.

Natalie Ross said...

This is hilarious. How about this,
"I want people to feel like they're on an episode of Hoarders when they visit my house."

JNoPie said...

Long time reader, this is one of my favorite posts you've ever done!
Thanks for making me laugh today.

Gloob Home Decor said...

nice post...


christy biel said...

This was wonderful. Thanks for a great Thursday afternoon laugh!
-Christy said...

"I would love a living room with lots of seating so we can have friends over, but my wife insists her ugly Barcalounger must sit directly in front of the TV, but other than that we can do anything we want."